“Is there a quiet stream underneath the fluctuating affirmations and rejections of my little world? Is there a still point where my life is anchored and from which I can reach out with hope and courage and confidence?’ While realizing my growing need to step back, I knew that I could never do it alone.” Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Genesee Diary
What is spiritual growth but a series of surprising twists and turns that if paid due attention to are to lead us to our ultimate happiness? Some seemingly move forward, others stand still, and at times take a necessary step back . Yet, not to be confused with regressing, it is as if we are called upon to return to that place of remembering in preparation for what God has in store next. And where ever we may find ourselves on the path it requires a dependence on, an anchoring as it were, to the one guiding it all.
Wanting to continually move forward, however, we often become impatient with the stillness. Seeking to bypass the lesson that we are to learn, we may notice a restlessness in our spiritual journey. Yearning to go deeper, we feel ourselves a casual observer to the spiritual consolations and joys of those around us. This time here is necessary to renew, mend, and recommit our will to His. And if we are ever to know true peace we must make peace with the still times in life.
Having said this, I like Nouwen had been feeling a number of paradoxes in my life. While remarking that work had kept me busy, I hadn’t been able to adequately enjoy down time. Even though professionally enjoying many consolations, I fixated on the unavoidable mistakes. Was God also asking me to talk less ‘about God and more with him’? Had my own witness become stale, and my prayers rote? My soul needed a bit of respite.
“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” Augustine
And who better to enter into such respite with than the source of all our true happiness and longing. For happiness is more than a fleeting feeling it is resting one’s true self in the all encompassing presence of God. It is to share, even in small ways, in the love and life of God until the day we are called to meet face to face.
Finding a spot in Adoration, I at last nestle myself in a place of humble longing. Desiring to draw close, I submit all of my fears and failures, my joys and successes, my concerns and those of others. I open my heart for God to walk through, and where he gently shows, I pause to reconsider. Here, I am his child and here my soul recognizes who I was created to be. And very quickly, I begin to shed the praise and criticism of others. And if there are places where forgiveness is needed, or trials and challenges intended to grow us are to be offered- may it find its satisfaction.
For, if our Christian life is to be meaningful, it must find its ultimate meaning and satisfaction in what God desires for us. Otherwise, we may very readily find ourselves tossed by the opinions and daily events in life. Are you restless in your walk with God today? Consider spending some alone time with God, allowing him to prioritize your life and show you your value in his eyes.