Worth Revisiting: The Church of the Transfiguration

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A little more than a year ago I returned from a graced pilgrimage to the Holy Land. Each site now holds for me spiritual remembrance where, if I close my eyes, my soul is instantly transported. With words waxed poetically and where there were no words at all, God spoke.  Where the scriptures came alive, I took my place walking at times beside, behind and enveloped by the living Christ.

The Franciscan Church of the Transfiguration on Mt. Tabor is a magnificent scene to behold, overlooking the Jezreel plain in Galilee. According to scriptures (Matthew 17:1-9; Mark 9: 2-8 and Luke 9:28-36) that the divine incarnation of Christ was revealed to the apostles as Jesus was transfigured before their very eyes.  And just as with Jesus’ baptism, God spoke with clarity as to who Jesus was.

“After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves.  There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.  Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus. Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.” While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified.  But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus.

(The following conversation is the reciprocity of my own heart to the scene that lay before me.)

Here I am again in Your gardens, led by your hand having witnessed your splendor. Being given this time to ponder Your love for me. Offered this moment to remember who you have called me to be. Today, I recognize my surprisingly subtle demeanor is at odds with my spirit inside. Who ablaze is all consuming refusing to stay quiet and hide.

“Proclaim my love”, You say, ” In all the world let it be known”. In all creation there is no other, in all the heavens no one above. For You are Lord and this is my joy, my hope, the sum of  a disciple life’s reward. The harmony in the chaos-the remedy to new found discord. Transforming, yet disarming you ask me to follow without delay. Father, grant that I may know you better, love you greater and serve you endlessly until your face I see one day.

As I sit in the gardens atop Mt. Tabor, surrounding the site of Your transfiguration, I cannot help but be drawn to praise. Like the apostles, I seek to comprehend all that You are. To glean through a gradual unfolding of Your mysteries the fullness of your words- the gift of your presence.True God and true man, I am in awe of who You are and desire to be in my life. Oh the glories You yearn to show me and the mercy given that is greater than all of my sin!

This day I bring to you the many intentions carried here- to this place on Your holy mountain. My Lord carry them with you up to the heavens. Leaving only Your peace. And in times of Your absence, let me not be passive but let me desire the intimacy of Your forgiving embrace. This is reconciliation – this is love set ablaze. And it all happens in the stillness of a gentle breeze.

Peace,

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Worth Revisiting: An Invitation to Lead

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The following article appeared in the University of Notre Dame’s Institute of Church Life Journal a year ago on May 23, 2016.

Since it was written, God has continued to move me towards new roles and responsibilities within the life of the church. Lay ministry is indeed a graced vocation, one that not everyone is called to but one that can go unheeded in the fast pace of our society, and amidst prior commitments. What gifts might lay untapped in your life today? How might God be inviting you to use your gifts to lead others to Christ?

There is an extra spring in my step this morning knowing that today has been reserved, indeed set apart, to spend with both some of the youngest and oldest members of this parish community. After opening prayers they bound forward, from the left and right, towards the bright red book of the Gospels that I am holding and head to the lower church for children’s liturgy. This is indeed their community, one that the over 50 gathered have come to joyously participate in. With hands held together, in lieu of uncomfortable boredom, there are instead small voices raised and petitions uttered as the prayers of the faithful are spoken.

Pausing momentarily, in the back of the sacristy after Mass, I am instantly reminded to thank the altar servers whom I personally helped train and scheduled to serve that day. A hoped-for beginning to a life of service and love, their gift can easily go unnoticed. Many of these altar servers (a large percentage of which are girls), I have seen “graduate” on to Eucharistic ministry, lectoring and service-based volunteer work within the Church, families, and the greater community upon entering college.

Lay ministry leadership then takes on visible and invisible aspects and roles, enabling the community to not only run smoothly but also to be an inviting encounter with Christ in one another. So too is the work of those who respond to serve the larger community beyond the doors of the Church. Walking the halls of one of the nursing homes that I serve, I am familiar with each name on the door and many of the family members of the residents I see. There is such grace here, in bringing Christ and community to our older, at times forgotten, members of the Body of Christ. Moreover, this joy is meant to be shared, whereby all feel enjoined and invited to partake in this beautiful ministry.

Over the years, I have seen the need, heard the invitation, and taken on these and a number of other lay ministry roles—as catechist, coordinator, presenter, and Catholic radio show host. Perhaps you too have recognized the great need within our parish communities, unearthing a desire to serve through leadership within the Catholic faith. Yet, what does this look like realistically? First, it needs to be said that women have been serving in leadership positions within the Church for quite some time—not only filling roles left vacant due to a shortage of priests but also actively involved in the faith formation and pastoral care of the community.

Still there has been a definitive shift recently in encouraging the participation of women in lay ministerial leadership roles. Pope Francis and others like Cardinal Sean O’Malley are even expressing their openness and anticipation for “more women in positions of responsibility at the Vatican.”[1] Likewise, in recent years a number of women are seeking to receive additional theological training and advanced degrees to gain the tools to better utilize their gifts and help build the Kingdom. In 2016, women held 80% of the over 39,000 lay ecclesiastical ministry positions, and 9 out of 10 “considered their ministry ‘a vocation, not a job.’”[2] This is the path that I, too, followed, and which has led to my recent acceptance of a paid staff position as Director of Parish Ministries for two parishes entering soon into collaboration. While there still remains much discussion and polarization about shape of leadership within the Catholic Church, I am witness to the innumerable ways to serve and immeasurable blessings in doing so.

Peace,

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[1] John L. Allen Jr. and Lisa Wangsness, “Pope Softening Tone, not Stance Cardinal Sean O’Malley Says” in The Boston Globe (February 9, 2014).

[2] Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate, Research Review: Lay Ecclesial Ministers in the United States (Washington, D.C.: Georgetown University, 2015).

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Gospel Reflections: Matthew 14:13-21

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Daily Gospel Reflection for April 21, 2018

Today, I share both my reflection and the wonderful community of CatholicMom.com with each of you! Tune in daily for wonderful insights, reflections, recipes, book reviews and more!

Mt 14:13-21

After the death of John the Baptist, Jesus understandably seeks to get away to spend some much needed time in prayer.  With crowds constantly surrounding him, the time for renewal not to mention the time needed to grieve would prove formidable. His heart, however, moved by compassion on the people who were seeking to be healed could not remain idle in their need. And through this miracle, we are not only given this beautiful prefigured allusion to the Eucharistic celebration but also to God’s call to responsibility for each one of us in our discipleship journey.

 “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

As a mom the essential quest for alone time, particularly in prayer, has always echoed resoundingly for me. For, almost without fail it seems the moment I had hoped to squirrel away to rest and renew ends up being the very instant the most of me is to be called upon. Couple this with our desire to be attentive to our spouse and friends and we begin to wonder if there really is such a thing as perfect peace. And, is what we have sufficiently enough, for the ready demands upon our time and resources that everyday life brings?

In this way we look at our gifts and see little, forgetting that Christ is the multiplier of all gifts. Then, we look at our strength and recognize our weakness, unable to believe that God will enable us for the work ahead. Yet, our heavenly Father who knows that we are weak and broken seeks to make of us the very miracle of mercy, love and compassion that is needed today. What is reassuring is that all that is needed from us is the simple offering of ourselves.

Pray:

Jesus, though I come to you today unable to fully imagine how you may seek to use my brokenness , it is yours. Help me to respond, as you did, with love and compassion willing to give you my all.

Reflect:

What might I be holding back from Christ today out of fear that it isn’t enough?

Peace,

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Worth Revisiting: When the Spirit Speaks

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God, I have found, is never outdone in generosity. Always the gracious giver, he longs to surprise us breaking into our everyday ordinary to do the extraordinary. And still how easily these moments could have been missed by our failure to respond. Ever have a day where an inconvenient appeal on time and energy turns into a unexpected source of joy and grace? Where had the answer been no that the loss, in hindsight, would have been great? Oh how precious are the lessons that our Father has in store for us! All that is required of us is our “yes!”..and then the Spirit does all the rest.

Recently called to the bedside of a woman actively dying, I unexpectedly felt unprepared. Tying up last minute details, both professionally and personally, in preparation for our family move and my upcoming pilgrimage to Israel, time has been elusive. Each minute spent planing ahead so that my absence is not severely felt and everything runs seamlessly. Yet, here I was sprinting to squeeze in prayer time on the way to another communion call.

With a bit of creative parking and magnificat left behind I resigned myself that the Spirit had this in hand. I had brought the most important part, I was reminded, clutching the pyx and proceeding ahead. Upon entering her room, I noticed there was not an inch of space unused. For, she was not alone. Surrounded by her family, she was being held and loved in these remaining days. Taking my place at her feet in her chair, I invited her family to pray together. The sound of their voices in harmony provided such a beautiful resonance, and it was clear that I indeed was witnessing a gift.

Closing in prayer and requesting the Spirit to intercede, I prayed for her strength for the next steps in the journey till at last she would meet Jesus face to face. Knowing how hard it was to leave this loving family behind, she needed assurance. For, they too had a journey.  Pouring forth an appeal for God’s grace, strength and peace to be felt among them in the coming days ahead, I said Amen. Glancing up, it was remarkable how her face had relaxed and her breathing eased. Softly, she whispered something to her son standing beside her.  “Wow,  that was beautiful wasn’t it mom?”, he said. “Yes.”, I thought, “the Spirit does beautiful work. ”

Having only brought one communion host, and surveying the room of expectant faces I suddenly was met with a joyful dilemma. “I only have one host…”, I said. “It doesn’t matter how small, we would all like to receive if possible” “Well, ok then.”, I said reminded of the loaves and fishes. Not even counting the members in the room, I stopped at 10 equal pieces. And wouldn’t you know, it was exactly enough with one piece remaining for “Mary”.

The family and I spoke for awhile about her life and how much her faith meant to her. A lifelong parishioner, she endeavored to bring each of them up in the faith. The children also added that they had all been baptized and married in the church. “Do you know what a blessing you are to her right now?”, I asked. “Do you know what a blessing she has been to each one of us?”, they responded.  Truly, this brief encounter with this incredible family would have been missed if I hadn’t responded to the Spirit that day.

Reflect:

Have I ever considered praying with someone in need, or that is dying? If so, what has prompted my words, or guided my actions?  If not, what has held me back from responding?

Peace,

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Worth Revisiting: There You Are!

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You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence? Psalm 139: 1-7

“Oh, there you are!”, He says. 

“Yes Lord, here I am. I’m sorry I have been preoccupied with other things. I realize now that you have been waiting for me.”  
“You are here now, that is what matters. Come, and find your rest with me.”

There is no judgement or guilt in His words as they fall upon my heart. Simply love- and an exclamation of joy that I at last found him in the midst of my day. His desire? Not a feeble attempt at an explanation but rather one undertaken by a beloved to comfort and renew my soul. In this brief exchange between his heart and mine, more is expressed in mere moments than hours of conversation. Who is this God who loves me still? None other than the One who seeks me, waits patiently for my return and all the while holds me and the world all in the palm of his hand.

Since returning from retreat, you might say I have been experiencing a “spiritual reunion” of sorts. One whereby I slip into soulful dialogue with God so often, that I cannot judge the time apart. That is not to say that this time is replete with words for there is meaningful silence here too. Each minute full and intentional and I arise aware that whatever is ahead, I am never alone. Needless to say, discernment is immensely easier in these times as God has both our attention and our desire to do His will.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast. (V. 9-10)

Walking into church and upon approaching the tabernacle, I saw him standing there in the back. “Do you have a bible that I could purchase?” Well dressed and in his early thirties, he had suddenly found himself at a crossroad in life. “Not one that we would sell, but one that we would gladly give you. Hold on a moment and let me get one for you” Knowing that I was already a few minutes late for a promised communion call, I quietly wondered if God would stretch out time. Returning with the bible I turned to Psalm 139. “This is a psalm I turn to when I find myself at a crossroad, or simply need to be reminded who I am. Would you like to read this together?”

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.. (v. 11-14)

As we sat, I felt him relax into each word. It truly is a beautiful vision to see God’s word at work. “I do have to go for now, but please stop by anytime and ask for me by name. The bible is yours for however long you need it.”

Reflect:

Does God have my upmost attention? When do I notice His presence the most in my day? What is it that I seek most at the crossroads in life? 

Peace,

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With All Our Mite

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As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury.  He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” Luke 21:1-4

Growing up in the rural South, I already knew it to be true. Generosity is not dependent upon an abundance or determined by a life blessed by circumstance. Instead, I have witnessed time and again that those seemingly with the least have given beyond their means to both friend and stranger.  From the outside it makes no sense, borrowing from tomorrow’s need to provide for another’s need today. And yet, this is exactly what Jesus is so poignantly speaking to in this passage.

Recently, while on mission to Haiti, this scripture in countless ways was brought to life. With the young and old alike there was an innate understanding that there was a responsibility beyond oneself. Young children pushing much older ones in wheelchairs, and teenagers caring for their fellow orphaned brothers and sisters as their own. Outside the orphanage in the remote villages, families in need themselves spoke of their “neighbor” who could also use some help.

Bearing food and supplies and with smiles and prayers, we entered small huts and makeshift shelters. Constructed on the sides of mountains and down solitary paths they lived and yet they knew no stranger. No boundaries or obstacles existed in the warmth of their welcome and in the gratitude expressed for our visit. Offering the joy of cuddling newborns and the gleeful excitement of children I could not help but wonder who was really the gifter here.

Blind, thin and of advanced age he beckoned us into his home. Inside a small table, chair and simple bed were all that occupied the mud covered wooden canopy hut. As with many others we visited, the rice, beans and sugar that we carried were the only apparent food around.
“Mesi! (thank you!)”, he exclaimed. “I prayed that you would come, I prayed for your safety and when I heard the helicopter I knew my prayers were answered.” Standing there I could not help but soak in his words, like a downpour of rain upon the dry parched earth that we stood upon.
Through the full-time missionary leading and translating for us, we learned how the last year had treated him. “With the drought, the crops that I had planted amounted to little.” Using his fingers as a guide he had painstakingly planted and hopefully awaited a fruitful bounty. Yet when it did not , rather than store the meager return, he chose to give it to his neighbor’s livestock to keep them from dying.

His selflessness epitomizes a people unbelievably resilient amidst daily unimaginable  odds. A people living on land that can truly no longer environmentally support them. Yet, what they offer is generosity of heart and a joy that is presumably limitless. In parting, we were offered his continual prayers that we would return safely to our families and could once again come back to visit. This priceless gift of prayer from a compassionate would be saint most assuredly was heard and will forever be treasured and repaid. Even if it takes a lifetime.

“Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

Peace,

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Worth Revisiting: In Deep Water

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Never a strong swimmer by any means, the mere idea of treading water is completely unappealing to me. As well is the comfort of being within reach of the shore, and the proximity of my toes on the safety of the bottom. Every inch of distance apart requires surrender, faith and trust. Yet, while there is risk in venturing out there is also promise of new discoveries never to be found in the shallow.

The treasures of the day-  the perfect sand dollar tucked away under a shiny blue mussel, and the brightly colored conch shell alongside the finger like coral just out of arms length. Seems like an easy choice right? Well, not if we consistently cling to the safety of the familiar and certain. For, then even though we might glimpse the possibility of a fortune that awaits we cannot let go to claim it. God asks each one of us to be open to the disclosure of his will, to embrace the beauty that lies in surrender and the joy that springs forth from change.

Recently, our family finally made the decision to move closer to where my husband and I now both work. Having tried for the last 3 years to find a new home in the area, we have most certainly been down this road before. So what makes this time different?  Abandonment of the safety net that we had so insisted on before. After prayerful discernment, we are decidedly moving without the contingency that our home sells first.  Trusting that God will work out the rest, we are taking a leap of faith.

Sometimes, the right decision is not the easiest one.

Though this is the right decision for the family our youngest is perhaps the most impacted by the consequences of change. Heading into the 8th grade, he is leaving behind his friends, school and home that he has known his entire life. All to move into a community where he knows no kids his own age, at a time where acceptance is paramount.

“Mom, I understand that this move is good for everyone else but I can’t see how I am benefiting at all.”
“Thomas, do you trust me?”
“Yes, of course mom.”
“Have your dad and I ever made a decision without considering every member of our family?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Good. Because, your dad and I are looking at the big picture and God is revealing wonderful things to come for our family, especially more time with one another, in this move. Just like my earlier question to you, He is asking us to trust him.”
“It’s important that you know how hard this is for me. I am thankful, though, that you are listening.”
“I will always listen, and your dad and I are always here for you. Thomas, you see the gifts that you are clutching in one hand- your friends and home and their value. But sometimes God wants to give us more, that can only be taken with both hands. That doesn’t mean that we loose completely what we had but that are open to the greater that He promises.”

Pray:

Father, you are the Giver of all good gifts. Help me today, in this moment, to surrender my will to Yours. Help me not to be so content in the life that I have that I refuse to embrace the life you have meant for me. Though not always the easiest path, let me trust you always. Knowing that there are so many opportunities that await in the offering.

Peace,

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Gospel Reflections- Matthew 10:1-7

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Daily Gospel Reflection for April 21, 2018Today, I share both my reflection and the wonderful community of CatholicMom.com with each of you! Tune in daily for wonderful insights, reflections, recipes, book reviews and more!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gospel: Matthew 10:1-7

What about Jesus’ choice of the twelve, this ragtag bunch of men who are seemingly ill suited for the task? Well, we know that none of this happened by sheer happenstance, Luke’s Gospel notes that their call was the direct result of Jesus’ prayer. With Christ as their center they were empowered with the ability to battle evil and heal, as a visible witness to the unbelieving world around them. God did not see simply their limitations but their unlimited potential if they choose to respond to His voice.

Yet, the call of the twelve is our call too. For each of us, as disciples, having heard the Good News is also given the responsibility to actively witness the Gospel in our lives this very day. Do you feel you lack the gifts or talents necessary for the task? Not to worry, there isn’t a commission given or a challenge encountered that He will not equip us with the right tools if it is His will.  For this reason, our daily discernment of just how we are being asked to respond to God’s call can only be begun through our prayerful desire to know that will.

Still God does not leave us all alone in recognizing how we are being called to serve, but also gives us one another. One of my greatest joys, as director of ministries for two Catholic parish communities, is calling forth the unique gifts that each person has to offer. Then, being graced with the time and ability to see Christ at work strengthening, guiding and blessing each in their response to His call. God is never outdone in generosity, and what you offer to him today he will expand and multiply in ways you can never imagine.

Ponder:

Is my inability to recognize my gifts or talents holding me back from fully responding to Christ’s call in my life? How am I proclaiming the Gospel in my everyday walk today?

Pray:

Lord be my guide as I seek to witness your light and love in my everyday encounter with others. May the desire found in the depth of my heart, the words on my lips and in the work of my hands be made enough to bring your kingdom near within my family, friends, and parish community today.

Peace,

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Worth Revisiting: The Scent of Her Presence

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“An awareness of smells can illuminate our present. It can help us live more mindfully and gracefully. It can help us recognize that God’s goodness saturates the world, in scents that are both obvious and subtle.”

Ginny Kubitz Moyer, Taste and See ( Loyola Press)

Early morning dew, the scent of grateful peonies and roses greet me.
The aroma of homemade strawberry rhubarb and blackberry pies cooling midday meet me.
Nighttime breezes carrying a day well spent at play, leave me ..the promise of yet another summer day in the South.

My Grandmother’s house was my favorite place to be as a child, particularly in the summertime.  What might appear as lacking in structure or activity, each day was abundant in hidden treasures that could only be discovered by a slower pace and ready spirit. All this I too might have missed had I not been seeking- albeit anticipating- God’s respondent grace and presence. Grandma’s hard work in the garden wafted through her small home as she baked and canned the fruits of each day’s gifts. Receiving the present she also prepared for the future, when these would not be as easily gathered. Mindful also that nothing given should ever be wasted.

Indeed, there are so many indelible memories forever tied to the smells of my childhood spent with my Grandma. Sunday mornings brought an even more unique scent- as my Grandma readied herself for church service. Not accustomed to wearing makeup or perfume during the week, grandma was on this day a delightful combination of Ivory soap, Jergens lotion, Covergirl makeup and Emeraude perfume. How I loved this smell, so much so that I would take it all in as I cuddled close before church. Infused with the understanding that Sunday’s were intended to be special, she put forth her best for God.

Many years later I would smell that smell once again, over 1, 400 miles apart. Then 33 and in my third trimester I could not travel as she feel seriously ill this time. My heart was nonetheless with her, and almost without pause I found myself praying for her throughout the day.

“Lord let her know how very much I love her, let her know that though I cannot be there in person that I am truly beside her. If I could carry her as she carried me all these years, I would.”

God heard my prayer, and knew the close bond he had established between us would not end in death. Only moments before the phone rang, God gave me an otherwise inexplicable gift-my Grandmother visited me. In the shower, I suddenly and overwhelming experienced the all enveloping scent and presence of my Grandmother. It was all around me, permeating every space with love and memories. As tears of joy and grief streamed down my face, I said my goodbyes- for now, fully embracing the gift of being with her again. Profoundly aware that God was allowing me to experience this sacred moment of my Grandmother’s passing from this world to the next.

Then just as suddenly as she had come, she was gone. Though I tried to recover the scent for an instant, I knew that she was no longer there. As the phone rang, with my cousin who had been sitting with her in these last few moments on the line, I knew her words before they were spoken.

“Liz, Grandma just left us..”
“I know..she was here..and just left too.”

I then shared with her how I knew and the unbelievable love that I had felt in these last moments.Together we cried tears of joy for the gifts given to be with our grandmother all these years. Though eleven years have now passed- the fond memories of growing up through every season infused with the scent of her presence will forever remain, evidence of the world unseen .

Peace,

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Worth Revisiting: Messy Beds & Coffee Mugs

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Of messy beds..

The first day and a half of silent retreat was spent unpacking the finer details of life, work and family that had been occupying time and space in my heart and mind lately. Even knowing that the goal of an Ignatian retreat was to leave my bags and enter into intimacy with God..I was seemingly unable to let go of the handle. I had told myself that this was my time to pray on these things and yet was I truly lifting this up in prayer? Or, was I simply filling the space that God wished to be with the thoughts that came my way?

My bed a safe haven- I crawled into every chance that I had. It’s clean soft embrace welcomed my exhaustion and reminded me of the need to pray. Why bother making it when I would just be a return visitor? I realized that despite my initial reluctance, my body needed the rest and I was more than happy to comply. Would this I wondered be the new norm for my entire stay here? For, I had always relished the sunrise Mass, long carefree walks on the grounds and still moments in chapel before the tabernacle. How was it then that I found myself here in a state of apparent inactivity? Once stopped I began to wonder if I would ever move again.

Of course I would, but it wasn’t to be accomplished by my own doing. Given a choice of desired outcomes for my retreat,  I felt challenged in my operating mode for the past day and a half. Either I would leave with a myriad of pastoral planning directives or I would leave refreshed and reconnected with God. To my surprise I realized that I had come to the crossroads. It was time to let go of what was not needed and finally go away to be with God.

Putting my “bags” down, I slipped on a set of gym clothes and set off on an unknown course. As I began the walk, I found myself with no inclination to stop and the tiredness of before was to be no more. Walking, then running, I experienced at last the spiritual freedom and peace I had so craved. In fact, when I finally returned it felt as if it was the start of my day rather than the end of it. Finding a pew inside the chapel I sat. Now I could receive the consolation that I had so desperately needed. My heart, no longer busied with the concerns of the day, was ready at last for God to walk through.

Of coffee mugs…

In a Jesuit house there is no shortage of food, smiles, or hospitality. To be honest, the only essential that I was missing was a REAL coffee mug. Not a dainty little quarter cup that needed to be refilled numerous times, but a large rounded hugable work of art. There were just a couple of these set aside and I resolutely mustered up the courage to motion my intent. “Yes, you can use one..they aren’t just for the resident Jesuits.” Thanks be to God!, I inwardly prayed. Finally I could enjoy a serious cup of coffee and drink in my gratitude for the moment.

Of the present moment..

I am one who is known to consider the past, present and future together instantly in reflecting and discernment. So, to just rest in the present moment is a bit less familiar ground. Yet, here I am- listening to the birds sing, and watching the light dance in the water droplets from the fountain. Even the sound of my feet on the path and the occasional crunch of a fallen leaf do not escape my ear. The beautiful white headstones of our Jesuit saints stand as reminders of the gift of their very lives in heartfelt service. Today I noticed four new souls, in fact, made way to their rest in just a year’s time. A brotherhood of love, a commitment of service- a life spent well.

So, though I do not know what each day ahead may bring, I give God my day to do with it what he will. In retrospect, which is key to the examen, I see the journey that I have undertaken and the steps that have led me here- some expected,  innumerable surprises, and still almost always prayerfully directed.

In His Peace,

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