You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence? Psalm 139: 1-7
“Oh, there you are!”, He says.
“Yes Lord, here I am. I’m sorry I have been preoccupied with other things. I realize now that you have been waiting for me.”
“You are here now, that is what matters. Come, and find your rest with me.”
There is no judgement or guilt in His words as they fall upon my heart. Simply love- and an exclamation of joy that I at last found him in the midst of my day. His desire? Not a feeble attempt at an explanation but rather one undertaken by a beloved to comfort and renew my soul. In this brief exchange between his heart and mine, more is expressed in mere moments than hours of conversation. Who is this God who loves me still? None other than the One who seeks me, waits patiently for my return and all the while holds me and the world all in the palm of his hand.
Since returning from retreat, you might say I have been experiencing a “spiritual reunion” of sorts. One whereby I slip into soulful dialogue with God so often, that I cannot judge the time apart. That is not to say that this time is replete with words for there is meaningful silence here too. Each minute full and intentional and I arise aware that whatever is ahead, I am never alone. Needless to say, discernment is immensely easier in these times as God has both our attention and our desire to do His will.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast. (V. 9-10)
Walking into church and upon approaching the tabernacle, I saw him standing there in the back. “Do you have a bible that I could purchase?” Well dressed and in his early thirties, he had suddenly found himself at a crossroad in life. “Not one that we would sell, but one that we would gladly give you. Hold on a moment and let me get one for you” Knowing that I was already a few minutes late for a promised communion call, I quietly wondered if God would stretch out time. Returning with the bible I turned to Psalm 139. “This is a psalm I turn to when I find myself at a crossroad, or simply need to be reminded who I am. Would you like to read this together?”
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.. (v. 11-14)
As we sat, I felt him relax into each word. It truly is a beautiful vision to see God’s word at work. “I do have to go for now, but please stop by anytime and ask for me by name. The bible is yours for however long you need it.”
Does God have my upmost attention? When do I notice His presence the most in my day? What is it that I seek most at the crossroads in life?